Phoenix Tears
by centaur219
Summary: After Sirius is gone, Harry isn't sure of anything. All he knows is that he feels utterly alone and lost. Together, Ginny and Fawkes help him deal with his losses. PG for swearing. Rating my change; may have some fluff. Please R&R...FLAMES ACCEPTED!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: HP characters belong to Rowling; the plot is mine!

A/N: VERY IMPORTANT!!! READ THIS NOW!!! We know that in the 5th book, Sirius dies just before the end of the school year. This story is after OOTP.

Why Not Death

Chapter 1

Harry sat in a squashy, red and gold chair in the Gryffindor common room, staring into the crackling fire. The fire flicked, flames as hot as the anger and sadness bubbling inside of him. He sighed heavily, thinking about the past few months. Sirius had been killed; Lord Voldemort had been growing stronger over the summer after his 5th year, and it was clear the Order of the Phoenix would need to be stronger if they even had a shred of hope of defeating him. Harry had been emotionally crushed. Both his body and spirit were broken, both literally and figuratively. He couldn't eat, sleep, or thing. Dark shadows hung beneath his eyes, as he fought back tears of frustration. He felt so...defeated and helpless. And oddly enough, Harry didn't want to think about getting out of his slum. The truth? He was terrified, of Voldemort, of living the rest of his life without family or his Godfather, and of the Dark Lord vanquishing his other friends.

Just as Harry was about to fall into a trouble sleep, haunted by nightmares of Sirius's death and Voldemort's return, the Fat Lady's portrait swung open, revealing Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. They all looked very solemn, and Harry could see Ginny's eyes were red from crying. Hermione, who for once had maintained some composure over the summer and past few months of the school year, looked quite like Harry, emotionless, expressionless. The three students made their way slowly over to Harry's chair, Ron squeezing Hermione's hand comfortingly. Ginny wiped her eyes slowly, before placing her arms gently around Harry in a gentle, but protective embrace. He shrugged her off uncharacteristically. Her bottom lip trembled, and she covered her flushing face with two hands. Harry sighed again. Hermione glanced at Ginny, before removing her hand from Ron's grasp. She instinctively reached her arm around Ginny's shoulder, before shooting Harry a glance cold enough to freeze lava on a July morning.

"What?" asked Harry, his eyes stopping at Ron's bright blue ones. For once, they were not laughing or sparkly, a worried expression was painted plainly across his entire face, although he was smiling a forced smile that didn't reach his eyes. As he looked into Harry's eyes, he realized for the first time how much emotion this person was feeling. Though his face was expressionless, there was something behind his eyes that was difficult to place: It was a haunted, hunted look, as if Harry had lived longer than his 15 years, and was nearing the end of his life.

"Harry, you just...can't get angry at us, or hurt us because you're hurt. We know how you feel, and we're sorry for your loss, but it doesn't give you the right to make our lives miserable." Hermione reached across Ginny's back to take Harry's hand, but he snatched it up, glaring at her. And for Harry, it was like being back in Dumbledore's office after Sirius had died.

He snatched a bottle of Essence of Murtlap from the table, hurling it across the room, and sending the liquid spurting out in all directions. He threw his school bag opened, taking the books out so violently, it seemed as if any moment, the room would fly apart from the force of his anger. He threw each book so forcefully, that they hit the walls, bouncing back toward the four students. Three of them staring, looking horrified. Hermione took a step toward Harry but he raised his hand, grabbing her by the wrist, and hurling her backwards onto the soft couch. Although it was a fierce movement, she could tell he had not meant to hurt her. His eyes blazed with a fury so fierce, Ron wrapped his arms around his sister and friend, drawing them back, away from Harry. Then, he opened his mouth to speak.

"SHUT UP!" Harry roared, sending a violent shower of sparks from his wand. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND; HOW COULD YOU? DON'T PRETEND YOU UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE YOU DON'T!" Hermione, trembling from head to toe, took a step forward.

Quietly, she said, "Harry, please, your life is too precious for you to..." Before she could finish, Harry pointed his wand toward her, sending her into a bout of silent tears. Again, Harry felt just as though he were standing in Dumbledore's office, trying to escape the truth that Sirius was gone.

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" he yelled, ferociously, grabbing a nearby lunascope and sending it flying into the fire.

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH, and I'VE SEEN ENOUGH! I WANT IT TO END; I WANT TO GET AWAY FROM HERE! I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" Harry took a huge book on Arithmancy, and, opening it, he ripped out half the pages. Just then, Ginny, who had been silent the entire time, spoke up.

"You do care. You care so much, that you feel you will bleed to death with the pain of it."

Without another word, or noticing the astonished looks Ron and Hermione were giving her, she walked slowly to Harry. Tears brimming in his eyes, he allowed the younger girl to fold her arms around him protectively. And he cried. Shamelessly, and uncontrollably. He simply cried.

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Yes, that last dialogue bit was from the 5th book, but I changed it just a tiny bit Sorry to end on such a weird not! Right, sorry about the short chapter! This is just a revised form of a former story I wrote, and I want it to be better. So please review!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: none of the HP characters are mine. I think the plot is.

A/N: Sorry again about the short chapter! I'm really trying to make this story as good as I can, but I'll try to make the chapters longer. R&R

Phoenix Tears  
Chapter 2

How long he cried, Harry wasn't sure. All his knew was Ginny's arms were folding around him with a protection so strong, he felt as though his whole body could go limp, and he would remain standing. She didn't try to comfort him, or tell him she understood. She just let him vent off a small portion of his anger, and she was there for him. Harry wished he could emotionally heal, if only for Ginny.

Finally, his tears subsided, and Ginny gently let go of Harry. Glancing around the room, he realized Hermione and Ron had left them alone.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Gin," Harry said quietly, trying to regain his composure.

Ginny turned her face toward his, and Harry saw her eyes were filled with sympathy...no. Sympathy wasn't the right word...it wasn't understanding, as she had never been through this devastation. It was simply...acceptance. Ginny accepted Harry's mood; she wasn't about to give him unwanted sympathy, or try to understand. She just accepted it.

"I know you're confused, Harry. But I want you to know, I'm here for you." She squeezed Harry's hand, and then turned to go up to her dormitory.

"Wait, Ginny." Harry reached out, touching her hand. She turned back to him, a look of question surprise on her face.

"Thanks." Ginny nodded slowly, and retreated to her room. But for a long hour, Harry stood by the chair, thinking about the events of the night. And the more he thought about it, he knew that saying thanks wasn't enough. And he realized something he'd been hiding from himself for a long time: He did care. He cared so much that he felt as though he would bleed to death with the pain of it.

Sighing, he sank back into his cushy chair, and for the first time in a long time, he slept. His dreams weren't haunted by the evil laughter of Bellatrix Lestrange or Lord Voldemort. He didn't see Sirius falling behind the veil. He had a dream...an unexplainable dream...

-------------THE DREAM-----------

Harry was standing at the edge of a huge lake. It wasn't the lake at Hogwarts; it was just a simple stream, outlined with rocks of all shapes. The clear water rippled in a steady motion upstream. Upstream? He had thought it always traveled downstream, but here it was, clear as day, flowing upstream...

_Suddenly, he heard the call of a phoenix. Fawkes came flying into view, his tail streaming in the wind. A steady rain began to beat down; it was a soft rain, but yet, it was steady nonetheless. Fawkes landed next to Harry, bending his head up, and from his throat penetrated a soft, soothing, singular note. It sent chills down his spine, but warmed his entire body. _

_Just then, the noise of splashing water caught Harry's attention. Running towards him was Ginny Weasley, her eyes filled with the same tone of acceptance. She laid her hand on Harry's shoulder, speaking softly to the phoenix._

"_We want to help you, Harry," she said softly, as Fawkes flew to Harry's shoulder, where he sat peacefully. Harry turned toward the phoenix and the girl. He was about to say something, and he could feel his body pulsing with the need to tell them..._

_-------------_END DREAM--------------

"Harry! Harry, wake up; we're going to be late!" Harry jolted awake, staring into Hermione's concerned face.Trying not to show his frustration, he rose out of the chair and went to his dormitory to get ready.

As he climbed the stairs, he tried to remember the dream, but with each step, he could feel it floating away, until all he could remember was the water flowing opposite the direction it was supposed to...

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the note so long chapter, but it's all I've got going for me right now. Shout-out time! I didn't get many reviews, but I was ready to post, so thanks to those of you who will review in the future! You just weren't quick enough for a shout-out. ï 


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